So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
