i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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