it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
