i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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