You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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