fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
