Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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