I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
