Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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