Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
