I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
