FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
