I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
