The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize