Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
