At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
