I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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