It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
