I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
