foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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