what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
