you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
