I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
