you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
