I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
