idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
