quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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