I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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