I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
