Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
