I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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