You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
