Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
