Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
