$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
