he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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