i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
