I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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