He is such a slut. More and more my type.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
