I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
