my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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