The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
