i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
