I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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