No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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