You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize