all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I could make wine with my vomit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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