goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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