Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
