so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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