Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
