when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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