if only i could text you this smell
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
