I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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