So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
