oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
