Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
