he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
