just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
birth control should be required to get into college
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
