I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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