its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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