I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
