Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
