I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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