You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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