I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
