And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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