Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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