Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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