What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
