1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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