I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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