Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pants are for mortals
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
